A MAMA’S TALE: MY BREASTFEEDING JOURNEY
I am the mother of two boys, nearly 12 and almost 2, born almost exactly ten years apart.
My first son entered the world with a loud cry, announcing his presence. His father and I were surrounded by love and support from our community, with prayers pouring in from everywhere for Carter’s health. He was born with a condition called gastroschisis, requiring multiple abdominal surgeries, PICC lines, feeding tubes, and an extended stay in the NICU. The love we received during this challenging time gave us hope, but it was also a period that brought me to a crushing rock bottom. It was a time that hardened me, sharpened me, and was the starting point of many years of healing. Breastfeeding wasn't an option; I pumped for a while, but the pain and stress led me to switch to formula within a few months. Each feeding was meticulously measured and timed to suit Carter’s delicate digestive system. Today, I thank God every day that my sweet boy is healthy, thriving, and well.
Fast forward ten years: ten years of self-study, learning, unlearning, and understanding nutrition, health, and movement. I've regulated my emotional patterns and nervous system. In September 2022, I had my second baby, receiving all-natural prenatal care and experiencing a natural labor and delivery. My incredible birth team at SCV Birth Center empowered me during labor and provided invaluable support with breastfeeding. I discovered that breastfeeding wasn't supposed to hurt, that it was okay to nurse a baby to sleep, and that frequent nursing helped my body know how much milk to produce. These revelations brought an unbelievable sense of freedom. I could throw away the schedule, forget about measuring ounces, and enjoy the ease of having "snacks and bottles" built in, no more need for specific water, clean bottles, or a tub of sticky powder.
Fast forward to today. Vann is 22 months old and continues to nurse in the morning, for naps, for comfort during teething, and when he's feeling grouchy. Nursing has naturally slowed down. I've traveled quite a bit for work without pumping, and he doesn’t miss it when I’m gone. However, when I’m home, I still nurse.
As I write this now, it's been almost 48 hours since I last nursed him at home. I don't know if this is the end, but something tells me it might be. It's time for the next chapter for both of us. With tears in my eyes as I write this - I am so grateful for every moment, even the messy, painful and exhausted. Every long night, the back pain or being touched out is quickly melted away by the memories of the snuggles, the connection, the sweet bond I got to have with my baby.
I do wish I had the education and support for my first baby, but I know now that every decision I've made has led me to where I am today. We always do the best we can with the tools we have, and we gain those tools through our experiences.
Our bodies are incredibly powerful and perfectly designed; when we nurture ourselves, we can nurture those around us. The contrast between my two very different experiences brought forth two important aspects of myself as a mother. The first experience taught me resilience through hardship, the true meaning of sacrifice, and the transition from Maiden to Mother. It gave me strength and the wisdom to lead.
The second experience brought softness, quiet confidence, and an intuitive inner knowing. It allowed me to embrace my femininity, to trust, and to connect with the ancient wisdom of my body. It was a reclaiming and ultimately a healing. Today, I look back at my former self with compassion, forgiving every version of her that has existed. I am here, now, with my babies—both big and small—filled with presence, clarity, and unconditional love.
No matter how we feed our babies, motherhood tests our boundaries, emotional thresholds, and physical stamina. It is a journey within ourselves. I am so grateful for my journey through it all and for the pure love reflected in my boys that stand before me.
Crystal Cerrato is a wife and mother of 2 in Tehachapi, CA.
Crystal is also 500 E-RYT, RPYT, YACEP, Buti Movement Primal Flow Master Trainer, and the founder of the Body of Light Yoga School; offering Prenatal 85HR & 200HR Yoga Teacher Trainings.
Through yoga, she holds space for inner transformation, radical self love and mind-body connection. She teaches embodiment through movement, breathwork and meditation. Crystal’s intention is to light the path for others to find alignment with their highest self.
For more information, visit her website at crystalyoga.net
